the threesome lifestyle that broke my heart

As promised I would be here to have posts for you to read on a regular basis or at least sexy pics to feast your eyes on.  So I’m not going to back down on that promise although this post that you’re reading is one that I found very hard to write because not only is it close to the heart but it’s just recently happened…

 

About a week ago I had this inkling feeling that there was something wrong with me and my boyfriend and that we weren’t walking on the same path.  As we were resting in bed one night, I started crying because I could just feel that there was really something wrong although I have everything I’ve ever wanted.  My heart was right and painfully shattered as my boyfriend proved that my inkling feeling was right; he wanted me to agree and participate in a threesome lifestyle with him or we couldn’t be together. 

 

Even though he did tell me about this lifestyle from the beginning even before we started dating, throughout the relationship whenever I felt that he wanted it, I told him that it wasn’t for me and that if this is what he wanted, he can leave.  I always felt it was at the back of his mind because of comments he’d say but I just thought that guys were just like that.  OMG….just going back and feeling this pain is just too painful for me…

 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was so incredibly heartbroken…I started packing my shyt and broke down as I was doing so.  He also started breaking down and it wasn’t because I was leaving, it was because he knew deep down inside that regardless of how much he loved me, this lifestyle that he was obsessed with meant more to him than me.  You don’t understand how painful this was for me to accept and still is.  As I’m writing this, my heart still hurts and my stomach is still turning.

 

I went home that night at 4am in the morning, had about 3 hours sleep and cried for the whole entire day.  I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t cry hard enough.  I didn’t know how to handle it.  I’ve always had good intuition and always trusted it with every feeling that I ever got.  I didn’t know whether his request was normal or whether it was unacceptable as I really couldn’t take doing it.  Mind you, as you can tell from my other posts, I’m quite an open person.  So I tried my best to keep an open mind about things and didn’t want to give up on the relationship that we had because it meant so much to me I loved him so so much.

 

He got me to listen to a recorded panel of people who were in polyamory type of relationships (for those of you who don’t know, polyamory is where a three people are in a committed relationship with one another) and also couples who randomly sought out girls and had threesomes with each other.  The thing that I really couldn’t stomach was that I couldn’t believe women out there actually participated in this act of finding other girls, seducing them to come home with them, fucking them then just getting rid of them.  Not only that but my boyfriend wasn’t satisfied with just a one-time thing, he really wanted it to be a regular thing.  He even said the line, “how long is a piece of string?” claiming that he doesn’t know how long this so called “phase” will go on for.

 

I decided that after 4 heart aching days of trying to come to a compromise (I even allowed him to have threesomes outside of our relationship, I just didn’t want to be involved) but by the end it became too hard for me.  I decided that it would be best to leave and put it all behind me.  I packed my shyt again, called one of my girls to pick me up while he was asleep then kissed him to wake him up.  I told him I was leaving for the final time and that he needs to do what he needs to do…and that hopefully sooner or later he’ll realise that he’s made a mistake and come back to me.

 

A friend of mine told me about someone that she knew that was in the same situation I was in years back.  Her and her boyfriend started out with threesomes then it escalated into affairs with also prostitutes on the side, because he was a sex addict.  So I did some in depth research about the topic and after reading many articles it may just seem like my ex-boyfriend might have a sex addiction.  I love him too much to just let him be and be vulnerable to AIDS.  We’ve been told that “gays” are the reason for AIDS but in actual fact, it’s people who participate in promiscuous acts like this that contract and heighten the AIDS epidemic.  It makes me sad that gays have had to carry this stigma for so many years.  And it makes me so fucking angry when guys just fuck around and you always hear about the good sides of it, you never hear about the repercussions of their indiscretions. 

 

I was able to approach him about it and even I admit that there may be a possible problem with me too because most times a sex addict has a partner that is a sex addict too, but their addiction isn’t to the full degree of theirs.  I want to help him even though my friends are angry about what he’s done and the obligation he put on me, but I guess I can’t help who I love.  But I’m only going to try so hard, at the end of the day I love myself more.  I’ve decided that if I have to suffer in this pain, I’m not going to do it in vain.  I want to be living proof that sometimes men just ask too much from their partner’s and that sometimes it’s just unfair.  I’ve been through a lot and I want to be here for anyone who’s in pain so that they don’t feel alone, regardless of whether they’re a girl or a guy (cause I know that girls fuck up at times too).  I take it one second at a time now, my emotions are too sensitive; one second I feel empowered that I’ve made the right decision, the next second I feel like breaking down because I can’t believe I wasn’t enough for him.

 

It was the first day of Uni and my heart broke more and more as I slowly arrived there.  To make things worse, my first class was in the Law building in which my beloved ex studies law.  I have to go to that class for the next 12 weeks whilst life laughs and shafts me even harder.  

 

Then after my last class, I walked out and he was right there!  I jumped out of my skin as I always had a feeling that we’d someday meet again…I didn’t think it would have been this soon though!  I told him this too over our 4 day ordeal in trying to break up and I know that deep inside he knows that I’m right.  But the more I think about everything and all the problems it poses, for example, I can’t be FUCKED being insecure anymore and I can’t be FUCKED worrying that one day he’ll want to fuck our daughter’s hot friend.  It just pains me too much and I just can’t do it to myself anymore.  After that realization, I’ve let go a lot more.  I see things for what they are, no more rationalizing, no more hoping.  I just see the situation for the fucked up mess that it is and I’m slowly making my way to healing once again.  I have to admit that it’s fucked up my belief in love and men but I guess only time will tell in this new chapter I’m about to embark on. 

 

We’ve remained friends despite the fact that he’s fucked me over, I can’t help but want to be there for him because he was there for me and helped me achieve so much during the time that we were together.  I don’t want to be judgmental or angry at life, I just want to let things be.  I’ll be seeing him tonight and I guess only then will I know if I’ve made the right choice in being friends or not.  God speed to me…wooosahhhh ~

stripper’s that let you touch & suck

last night was the last night of my birthday adventures so we decided to go stripper hoping after my boy’s fantastic performance! 

we went to about three strip joints; one had too many boys there, it was like it was their very first time to see tits and even though the girls were hot, i got turned off by the crowd. the second joint didn’t have enough people, so the third place we went to was ‘B2o’ since it had become our new favourite spot. the crowd was good and whenever i blended in with the crowd, stripper’s would approach my boy thinking he was alone and it proved again (as i often forget) that my boy is quite a looker 😉

even though we saw our fav stripper from the other night, i just wasn’t feeling it at these places. they were such a tease and the last time i got a dance i felt frustrated at the fact i couldn’t touch them. it was TOO much of a tease. i couldn’t even begin to imagine how a GUY would feel! 

a few years back i remembered going to my first strip club and they allowed clients to touch the stripper’s. i told my bf this and he too had heard this from a friend. so even though i wasn’t sure if this was still the case, we decided to make our final destination for the night there before heading home. it was nice and convenient because it was on the way home and very near to where we live. 

we walked in for free being that it was 2am in the morning and the first thing i noticed was a guy smoking…then another guy…then another! i was ecstatic at the fact we could smoke in there and i lit one up straight away as i had a look around the joint to get myself comfortable. the place hadn’t changed one bit and as i looked towards the end of the joint, the familiar one and only lapdance room was there. this joint was different to other clubs because they only had one room where everyone who wanted a dance could go into. no one got private rooms, it was like a massive stripper orgy!

the windows for the room were heavily tinted but i could still see inside as stripper’s were giving their client’s dances, one stripper in particular was straddled on top of her client facing him as he was softly fondling her beautiful breasts. i couldn’t believe my eyes as this TOO hadn’t changed! i looked at the other people in there getting their lapdances and they too were doing the same thing; having their stripper’s straddle them as they got to fondle their big beautiful breasts as they grinded up against them. i could hardly wait for mine!

i took a shot of wet pussy (no pun intended) and we sat near the room so that the next hot stripper who walked out we could grab straight away. we didn’t have much time left as the place was going to be closing soon too. one girl in there had a beautiful body and naturally big tits to match, not to mention a sexy face. i looked at my bf knowing that he too felt the same way.

as she walked out i slowly brushed my finger’s against her arm to get her attention and she greeted me with a big smile. i asked if she did couples and she said “ofcourse!” and we all made our way into the orgy room.

 we were the only couple in there, not to mention I was the only non-stripper girl in there too. she started on me and i couldn’t help but touch her body straight away. i touched the smooth skin of her back and made her moan as i made my way up to cup her heavy breasts. and as she let her breasts tumble out i couldn’t help but want to ravish her right then and there as her nipples became hard  gently rolling them in between my fingers. 

she leant towards me and started kissing my neck and making her way towards my breasts. i put my hands through her long dark hair and then over the arch of her back to feel her smooth skin again. i leaned closer to her so i could kiss her too and made her moan as i kissed the spots that i loved to be kissed on my own neck. 

she then sexily gets up and makes her way towards my boyfriend and kisses his neck as she slowly unbuttons his shirt. i can’t help but have my hands fondle her tits as i can’t get enough. i then grab my boyfriend’s hand and make him squeeze her breasts in his hand continuing to play with the other, knowing how much pleasure this is giving to her. 

she then turns around and sits on him, as i watch my bf giving her such sensual kisses on her back shoulder letting out moans as he rolls her jutted nipples in between his fingers…the sight is just TOO much for me to handle! i am so turned on at this point as iv got my hand rubbing on her thigh reminding myself that there is a no touching pussy policy! if you only knew how BADLY i wanted to touch her there! i was aching for her!

i then see my boyfriend lower his head making his way towards her breasts and he looks at me to do the same. we both take a nipple each into our mouths and make her moan in ecstasy! i wrap my lips around her nipple and suck it gently just like how i love to be sucked. i circle around and over her nipple with the tip of my tongue as i trace my finger’s around her breasts. i hear my boyfriend say to her, “you’re getting my girlfriend so horny…” and she replies back, “SHE’S getting me so horny!” i look up and give them both a very big sexy smile. 

she gets off him and as she makes her way to kneel in between my legs, i look around the room and notice how EVERYONE being the security guard, stripper’s and clients ALL have their eyes on US! it was amazing! it was like we gave THEM a show! 

the stripper had her hands on my thighs and slowly felt her way up under my skirt and before i knew it we were kissing! my bf later on told me that as soon as i started kissing her, her nipples became even harder…i’m pretty sure he too was finding it extremely hard to contain himself at this point. i pulled away in case i was coming on to her too much and she pulled me back for a lil bit more before our time was up. she looked at me with a gorgeous smile and said, “you’re so hot! i really hope you come back again!” i couldn’t help but think WHEN would be the next time i could have her and that experience again too!

as i got up and straightened myself out, everyone in the room had their jaws down to the ground, it felt so good knowing that i TOO turned them all on! i thanked the guard and gave him a smile, he too gave me a playful smile and a tap on the back (in other words, thanks for the show you kinky lil bitch! LOL)

writing this has gotten me so worked up that i’m going to grab my boy and role play a hot lil stripper scene…me being the stripper from last night and him telling me everything he would wanna do to her 😉 

 

naughty times ahead

serendipity: good fortune or luck.

my definition; the boy i had THE biggest crush on back in high school from another state moves down to my state, becomes single and asks ME to show him around 😉 i couldn’t get ANY luckier!

i milked this situation like you wouldn’t believe! this guy was GORGEOUS!!! he was tall, dark and extremely handsome. he had that charismatic smile that could make any girl’s panties wet and he was definitely the type that girls would chase…but not me.

so he moved down here about two years ago but met him again last year.  he was a couple of years older than me and i always admired him from afar…as it was his friends that i knew. i met him once from what i can remember, and i thought that was a good enough reason to add him on facebook 🙂 (i know you all do it too so don’t even START to condemn me!)

a few months down the track he got in touch with me through facebook. saying that i looked like a party animal he would like to get to know better and if it would be ok to show him around. you don’t know how ECSTATIC i was! i was THE happiest person! mind you, i had a boyfriend at the time but i didn’t care!

so our first meet up was at my besty’s birthday. i made sure i looked shyt hot and i did! he didn’t stay long and i was pretty disappointed as it was because he had to go home and look after his ‘on again off again girlfriend’. i kind of lost interest in him after that. it spoilt my whole night too.

then he got in touch with me again, ofcourse giving me butterflies like you wouldn’t believe!!! so we decided to go clubbing. we partied and drank SO incredibly hard that night! we stayed till the place practically kicked us out! all the grinding that i did on him got us SO worked up, and even though i did everything i could…he didn’t make a move. i didn’t know whether i was glad he respected me, or frustrated cause i didn’t get me any ‘boom boom pow’. he looked me in the eye and told he wanted to do it the ‘proper’ way and not rush anything. since he just broke up with his girlfriend, he wanted to make sure i knew i wasn’t his rebound.

(BUT one of my TOP philosophies is…cut the shyt, let’s fuck. no bs, just do it. cause after you have sex, that’s when you know if you’re meant to go further in your relationship).

so i played like a lil virgin girl and agreed with him and waited till our next date; a romantic dinner for two. by the way, i HATE dates! i don’t believe in them, they’re stupid. i hate sitting there and feeling awkard, stressing bout what i look like while i’m eating or if i have any food in between my teeth. definitely NOT a fan.

but i still ended up going knowing i was going to get me SUM that night 😉

before meeting him i got a brazilian wax done and the girl that was doing it asked me,

“so…do you have a boyfriend?”

i answered,

“nope. but i’ve got a date tonight so now you exactly why i’m in here!“

it gave her her good laugh for the day. she needed it considering how many more puns she was goin to make smooth that day.

i met up with him…had that awkward date, but at the same time i couldn’t help but melt in his pressence. after he decided to take me to a bar.  the bar was quite cool, except for the fact everyone was peeking and it really wasn’t my scene.  all i could think about was him ramming his big cock in my tight pussy.

it was getting late in the night and i REALLY needed it. so i turned to him with a sparkle in my eye and said…

“what do you think about going to a hotel now?“

he was shocked…but at the same time he had that sparkle in his eye too.

we walked into about three or four hotels and LUCKILY enough for me a hostel was willing to check us in at 12am in the morning.

i couldn’t get up there any quicker! each step i took up the stairs got me wetter by the second! we finally got in there and had the best view of the city about 10 levels up. i turned the lights off and we both kissed each other with intense passion…i was glad he shared the same ache for me as i did for him.

he took his shirt off and OMG did he have a fucking hot body! being a fighter he was beautifully toned…i could barely wait to wrap my mouth around his cock!

i’m not used to being the ‘taker’ but i had no choice when he pinned me down and slid my lacey g to the side taking his breath away and makin me bite down on my bottom lip. his tongue licked my wetness up soooo good omgggggg! he couldn’t get enough! repeatidly telling me how delicious i tasted…

i could barely contain myself and needed him in me so i pulled him up to kiss me, loving the taste of my juice. i grabbed his long hard shaft and continued to tug it making him moan louder and louder for me. i pulled away and gave him a lustful look before i made my way down to his cock, he was so long and i loved having him in my mouth. i sucked it so deep and so good that i could feel him getting harder, tasting the familiar taste of pre-cum on my tongue. i didn’t want him to cum in my mouth so i pulled out and took control on top of him for a bit. but i couldn’t let him cum without him giving it to me in my favourite position. so i leaned down and sexily whispered in his ear,

“can you do me doggy baby?“

i felt his cock twitch in me as the words rolled off my tongue and into his ear. he couldn’t agree more and got me to bend over with my beautiful ass up. i once again took his breath away as he placed his hand over my ass and giving me a good lil spank!

*apparently* i moan and feel too good and that’s the reason why guys cum too quick. who knows…i feel all the guys i’ve been with have pre-ejaculation problems..but that’s just too many guys in the world that have the same problem….maybe i’m jus that good perhaps? maybe.

after moaning and groaning like a pornstar, i finally let him cum all over my beautiful derrière and he affectionately cuddled up against me. yet another thing i don’t really believe in. i’m not really the lovey affectionate type straight away….i have to warm into these things.

he then starts talkin bout travelling, and going to Europe together then coming back here to settle down and get married. i turned to him and jokingly said,

“you’re referring to me aren’t ya?“

he looked at me with a warm smile, the lustful twinkle in his eye replaced with one that was more loving, he said,

“you never know what the future has in store baby…“

i gave him a forced smile and slowly took  my arm off him, and turned my back towards him. he wrapped his arm around me pulling me close but i knew straight away that he wasn’t the one i wanted to be with. as attracted as i was to him and as sexy as i found him…someone that was just TOO into me has always been the biggest turn off.