the threesome lifestyle that broke my heart

As promised I would be here to have posts for you to read on a regular basis or at least sexy pics to feast your eyes on.  So I’m not going to back down on that promise although this post that you’re reading is one that I found very hard to write because not only is it close to the heart but it’s just recently happened…

 

About a week ago I had this inkling feeling that there was something wrong with me and my boyfriend and that we weren’t walking on the same path.  As we were resting in bed one night, I started crying because I could just feel that there was really something wrong although I have everything I’ve ever wanted.  My heart was right and painfully shattered as my boyfriend proved that my inkling feeling was right; he wanted me to agree and participate in a threesome lifestyle with him or we couldn’t be together. 

 

Even though he did tell me about this lifestyle from the beginning even before we started dating, throughout the relationship whenever I felt that he wanted it, I told him that it wasn’t for me and that if this is what he wanted, he can leave.  I always felt it was at the back of his mind because of comments he’d say but I just thought that guys were just like that.  OMG….just going back and feeling this pain is just too painful for me…

 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was so incredibly heartbroken…I started packing my shyt and broke down as I was doing so.  He also started breaking down and it wasn’t because I was leaving, it was because he knew deep down inside that regardless of how much he loved me, this lifestyle that he was obsessed with meant more to him than me.  You don’t understand how painful this was for me to accept and still is.  As I’m writing this, my heart still hurts and my stomach is still turning.

 

I went home that night at 4am in the morning, had about 3 hours sleep and cried for the whole entire day.  I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t cry hard enough.  I didn’t know how to handle it.  I’ve always had good intuition and always trusted it with every feeling that I ever got.  I didn’t know whether his request was normal or whether it was unacceptable as I really couldn’t take doing it.  Mind you, as you can tell from my other posts, I’m quite an open person.  So I tried my best to keep an open mind about things and didn’t want to give up on the relationship that we had because it meant so much to me I loved him so so much.

 

He got me to listen to a recorded panel of people who were in polyamory type of relationships (for those of you who don’t know, polyamory is where a three people are in a committed relationship with one another) and also couples who randomly sought out girls and had threesomes with each other.  The thing that I really couldn’t stomach was that I couldn’t believe women out there actually participated in this act of finding other girls, seducing them to come home with them, fucking them then just getting rid of them.  Not only that but my boyfriend wasn’t satisfied with just a one-time thing, he really wanted it to be a regular thing.  He even said the line, “how long is a piece of string?” claiming that he doesn’t know how long this so called “phase” will go on for.

 

I decided that after 4 heart aching days of trying to come to a compromise (I even allowed him to have threesomes outside of our relationship, I just didn’t want to be involved) but by the end it became too hard for me.  I decided that it would be best to leave and put it all behind me.  I packed my shyt again, called one of my girls to pick me up while he was asleep then kissed him to wake him up.  I told him I was leaving for the final time and that he needs to do what he needs to do…and that hopefully sooner or later he’ll realise that he’s made a mistake and come back to me.

 

A friend of mine told me about someone that she knew that was in the same situation I was in years back.  Her and her boyfriend started out with threesomes then it escalated into affairs with also prostitutes on the side, because he was a sex addict.  So I did some in depth research about the topic and after reading many articles it may just seem like my ex-boyfriend might have a sex addiction.  I love him too much to just let him be and be vulnerable to AIDS.  We’ve been told that “gays” are the reason for AIDS but in actual fact, it’s people who participate in promiscuous acts like this that contract and heighten the AIDS epidemic.  It makes me sad that gays have had to carry this stigma for so many years.  And it makes me so fucking angry when guys just fuck around and you always hear about the good sides of it, you never hear about the repercussions of their indiscretions. 

 

I was able to approach him about it and even I admit that there may be a possible problem with me too because most times a sex addict has a partner that is a sex addict too, but their addiction isn’t to the full degree of theirs.  I want to help him even though my friends are angry about what he’s done and the obligation he put on me, but I guess I can’t help who I love.  But I’m only going to try so hard, at the end of the day I love myself more.  I’ve decided that if I have to suffer in this pain, I’m not going to do it in vain.  I want to be living proof that sometimes men just ask too much from their partner’s and that sometimes it’s just unfair.  I’ve been through a lot and I want to be here for anyone who’s in pain so that they don’t feel alone, regardless of whether they’re a girl or a guy (cause I know that girls fuck up at times too).  I take it one second at a time now, my emotions are too sensitive; one second I feel empowered that I’ve made the right decision, the next second I feel like breaking down because I can’t believe I wasn’t enough for him.

 

It was the first day of Uni and my heart broke more and more as I slowly arrived there.  To make things worse, my first class was in the Law building in which my beloved ex studies law.  I have to go to that class for the next 12 weeks whilst life laughs and shafts me even harder.  

 

Then after my last class, I walked out and he was right there!  I jumped out of my skin as I always had a feeling that we’d someday meet again…I didn’t think it would have been this soon though!  I told him this too over our 4 day ordeal in trying to break up and I know that deep inside he knows that I’m right.  But the more I think about everything and all the problems it poses, for example, I can’t be FUCKED being insecure anymore and I can’t be FUCKED worrying that one day he’ll want to fuck our daughter’s hot friend.  It just pains me too much and I just can’t do it to myself anymore.  After that realization, I’ve let go a lot more.  I see things for what they are, no more rationalizing, no more hoping.  I just see the situation for the fucked up mess that it is and I’m slowly making my way to healing once again.  I have to admit that it’s fucked up my belief in love and men but I guess only time will tell in this new chapter I’m about to embark on. 

 

We’ve remained friends despite the fact that he’s fucked me over, I can’t help but want to be there for him because he was there for me and helped me achieve so much during the time that we were together.  I don’t want to be judgmental or angry at life, I just want to let things be.  I’ll be seeing him tonight and I guess only then will I know if I’ve made the right choice in being friends or not.  God speed to me…wooosahhhh ~

sex addiction does not = infidelity

It’s such a shame that as of late, a number of celebrities have come out and admitted that they have cheated due to being a sex addict.  They are (as we are all aware) Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, Eric Benet (checked himself into rehab to try and save his marriage with Halle Berry but ended up getting divorced in 2003), Russell Brand and Usher just to name a few.  But does being a sex addict really make it ok to cheat or is it just an easy cop out?

According to medical experts, sex addiction has to do with the relationship one has with sex.  Therefore sex addiction isn’t about the activity itself or even about having a high sex drive.  It’s about being able to find some kind of ‘escape’ when doing it, whether it’s finding instant happiness or a way of coping with stress.  It’s the use of sex to gain instant gratification or an instant ‘high’ on life.

Sex addiction isn’t just multiple affairs or paid sex, it also ranges from compulsive masturbation to the excessive use of porn (often referred to as the ‘crack cocaine’ of sex addiction, being that it’s so easily and widely accessible, people are instantly hooked).  Most sex addictions start from there and only progress to increasingly dangerous behaviours from there.  Severe cases have been found where people lose their jobs and partners because of it, and 17% even lose the will to live.

But not all medical experts are convinced by their patients’ pleas of being a sex addict.  Some believe that the use of the term makes people shun the responsibility of their actions by having a somewhat legitimate excuse.  Psychologists refer to this as ‘functional attribution’ – sex addicts being able to justify their actions by thinking they can’t really help themselves.  Although, an anti-testosterone drug has now been made available as a cure, but apparently they’re not the most desirable pill to swallow.

Now I’m no medical expert but I am aware of the many delectable things people can be easily addicted to.  It’s only human nature to want to indulge once in a while in order to reward yourself or to just gain instant gratification.  Whether it be through food, alcohol or even shopping.  But it should never be at someone else’s expense.

An addiction to anything is never healthy and shouldn’t be used an excuse for destructive behaviour.  Especially when that behaviour ultimately leads to heartache.  More often than not, it’s not the act of sex that hurts your significant other, rather the betrayal behind the cheating that hurts the most.  Regardless of the addiction, it’s important to take responsibility and seek the help that is needed.  It’s too easy to place the blame of your indiscretions on an addiction, but it’s just not good enough.  Don’t make something that’s meant to be pleasurable, the cause for your loved one’s misery.