A Highly Addictive Cautionary Tale

I can’t get enough of Jenna Jameson’s autobiography How To Make Love Like A Porn Star.

It’s such a good read and I’ve always wondered how girls have gotten into the industry.  But you have to admit that Jenna is a cut above the rest known for being the top in the industry.  The book is filled with a collection of personal photographs and letters that makes it much more personal than just a written account of her life.

It’s important to note that porn stars or anyone for that matter weren’t born and decided from that moment on that being in the sex industry was their calling.  Sometimes it’s a host of experiences and heartbreaks in life that steer you down the path of no return.  I don’t want to spoil how she got into the industry because some of you might want to read it, but I have to say that even though I haven’t gone through half the things she’s gone through, there’s still a part of me that can truly relate to the experiences we share in common and I’m sure a lot of you out there will too.  We can’t forget that at the end of the day we’re all human.

I highly recommend the book as it’s such an inspiration to read and a definite page turner.  Funnily enough I found out about the book during my feminist class as one of them was horrified at the fact that a porn star had written an autobiography.  So I made a mental note to look for it but later on came across it at a bookstore, flipped through it and knew I had to have it.

To avoid being as narrow minded as my fellow feminist classmate, I want to make it a point from now on to truly respect and not fight against certain beliefs that other people may have.  There’s a part of me that’s just heartbroken from certain beliefs I felt were forced upon me and I think I need to let them go in order to move on.  I know that I have certain beliefs that other people may find disturbing or just plain wrong, but once again I’m not here to offend, I’m just here to share my open-mindedness about sex and all it’s beautiful aspects x

i apologize for being mia for a few weeks…i’ve been terribly busy but i’m back now! i’m not going to go back on the promise i made earlier this year in being a consistent blogger for you all!! i hope you’ve all been well and haven’t missed me too much x

the threesome lifestyle that broke my heart

As promised I would be here to have posts for you to read on a regular basis or at least sexy pics to feast your eyes on.  So I’m not going to back down on that promise although this post that you’re reading is one that I found very hard to write because not only is it close to the heart but it’s just recently happened…

 

About a week ago I had this inkling feeling that there was something wrong with me and my boyfriend and that we weren’t walking on the same path.  As we were resting in bed one night, I started crying because I could just feel that there was really something wrong although I have everything I’ve ever wanted.  My heart was right and painfully shattered as my boyfriend proved that my inkling feeling was right; he wanted me to agree and participate in a threesome lifestyle with him or we couldn’t be together. 

 

Even though he did tell me about this lifestyle from the beginning even before we started dating, throughout the relationship whenever I felt that he wanted it, I told him that it wasn’t for me and that if this is what he wanted, he can leave.  I always felt it was at the back of his mind because of comments he’d say but I just thought that guys were just like that.  OMG….just going back and feeling this pain is just too painful for me…

 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was so incredibly heartbroken…I started packing my shyt and broke down as I was doing so.  He also started breaking down and it wasn’t because I was leaving, it was because he knew deep down inside that regardless of how much he loved me, this lifestyle that he was obsessed with meant more to him than me.  You don’t understand how painful this was for me to accept and still is.  As I’m writing this, my heart still hurts and my stomach is still turning.

 

I went home that night at 4am in the morning, had about 3 hours sleep and cried for the whole entire day.  I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t cry hard enough.  I didn’t know how to handle it.  I’ve always had good intuition and always trusted it with every feeling that I ever got.  I didn’t know whether his request was normal or whether it was unacceptable as I really couldn’t take doing it.  Mind you, as you can tell from my other posts, I’m quite an open person.  So I tried my best to keep an open mind about things and didn’t want to give up on the relationship that we had because it meant so much to me I loved him so so much.

 

He got me to listen to a recorded panel of people who were in polyamory type of relationships (for those of you who don’t know, polyamory is where a three people are in a committed relationship with one another) and also couples who randomly sought out girls and had threesomes with each other.  The thing that I really couldn’t stomach was that I couldn’t believe women out there actually participated in this act of finding other girls, seducing them to come home with them, fucking them then just getting rid of them.  Not only that but my boyfriend wasn’t satisfied with just a one-time thing, he really wanted it to be a regular thing.  He even said the line, “how long is a piece of string?” claiming that he doesn’t know how long this so called “phase” will go on for.

 

I decided that after 4 heart aching days of trying to come to a compromise (I even allowed him to have threesomes outside of our relationship, I just didn’t want to be involved) but by the end it became too hard for me.  I decided that it would be best to leave and put it all behind me.  I packed my shyt again, called one of my girls to pick me up while he was asleep then kissed him to wake him up.  I told him I was leaving for the final time and that he needs to do what he needs to do…and that hopefully sooner or later he’ll realise that he’s made a mistake and come back to me.

 

A friend of mine told me about someone that she knew that was in the same situation I was in years back.  Her and her boyfriend started out with threesomes then it escalated into affairs with also prostitutes on the side, because he was a sex addict.  So I did some in depth research about the topic and after reading many articles it may just seem like my ex-boyfriend might have a sex addiction.  I love him too much to just let him be and be vulnerable to AIDS.  We’ve been told that “gays” are the reason for AIDS but in actual fact, it’s people who participate in promiscuous acts like this that contract and heighten the AIDS epidemic.  It makes me sad that gays have had to carry this stigma for so many years.  And it makes me so fucking angry when guys just fuck around and you always hear about the good sides of it, you never hear about the repercussions of their indiscretions. 

 

I was able to approach him about it and even I admit that there may be a possible problem with me too because most times a sex addict has a partner that is a sex addict too, but their addiction isn’t to the full degree of theirs.  I want to help him even though my friends are angry about what he’s done and the obligation he put on me, but I guess I can’t help who I love.  But I’m only going to try so hard, at the end of the day I love myself more.  I’ve decided that if I have to suffer in this pain, I’m not going to do it in vain.  I want to be living proof that sometimes men just ask too much from their partner’s and that sometimes it’s just unfair.  I’ve been through a lot and I want to be here for anyone who’s in pain so that they don’t feel alone, regardless of whether they’re a girl or a guy (cause I know that girls fuck up at times too).  I take it one second at a time now, my emotions are too sensitive; one second I feel empowered that I’ve made the right decision, the next second I feel like breaking down because I can’t believe I wasn’t enough for him.

 

It was the first day of Uni and my heart broke more and more as I slowly arrived there.  To make things worse, my first class was in the Law building in which my beloved ex studies law.  I have to go to that class for the next 12 weeks whilst life laughs and shafts me even harder.  

 

Then after my last class, I walked out and he was right there!  I jumped out of my skin as I always had a feeling that we’d someday meet again…I didn’t think it would have been this soon though!  I told him this too over our 4 day ordeal in trying to break up and I know that deep inside he knows that I’m right.  But the more I think about everything and all the problems it poses, for example, I can’t be FUCKED being insecure anymore and I can’t be FUCKED worrying that one day he’ll want to fuck our daughter’s hot friend.  It just pains me too much and I just can’t do it to myself anymore.  After that realization, I’ve let go a lot more.  I see things for what they are, no more rationalizing, no more hoping.  I just see the situation for the fucked up mess that it is and I’m slowly making my way to healing once again.  I have to admit that it’s fucked up my belief in love and men but I guess only time will tell in this new chapter I’m about to embark on. 

 

We’ve remained friends despite the fact that he’s fucked me over, I can’t help but want to be there for him because he was there for me and helped me achieve so much during the time that we were together.  I don’t want to be judgmental or angry at life, I just want to let things be.  I’ll be seeing him tonight and I guess only then will I know if I’ve made the right choice in being friends or not.  God speed to me…wooosahhhh ~

sex addiction does not = infidelity

It’s such a shame that as of late, a number of celebrities have come out and admitted that they have cheated due to being a sex addict.  They are (as we are all aware) Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, Eric Benet (checked himself into rehab to try and save his marriage with Halle Berry but ended up getting divorced in 2003), Russell Brand and Usher just to name a few.  But does being a sex addict really make it ok to cheat or is it just an easy cop out?

According to medical experts, sex addiction has to do with the relationship one has with sex.  Therefore sex addiction isn’t about the activity itself or even about having a high sex drive.  It’s about being able to find some kind of ‘escape’ when doing it, whether it’s finding instant happiness or a way of coping with stress.  It’s the use of sex to gain instant gratification or an instant ‘high’ on life.

Sex addiction isn’t just multiple affairs or paid sex, it also ranges from compulsive masturbation to the excessive use of porn (often referred to as the ‘crack cocaine’ of sex addiction, being that it’s so easily and widely accessible, people are instantly hooked).  Most sex addictions start from there and only progress to increasingly dangerous behaviours from there.  Severe cases have been found where people lose their jobs and partners because of it, and 17% even lose the will to live.

But not all medical experts are convinced by their patients’ pleas of being a sex addict.  Some believe that the use of the term makes people shun the responsibility of their actions by having a somewhat legitimate excuse.  Psychologists refer to this as ‘functional attribution’ – sex addicts being able to justify their actions by thinking they can’t really help themselves.  Although, an anti-testosterone drug has now been made available as a cure, but apparently they’re not the most desirable pill to swallow.

Now I’m no medical expert but I am aware of the many delectable things people can be easily addicted to.  It’s only human nature to want to indulge once in a while in order to reward yourself or to just gain instant gratification.  Whether it be through food, alcohol or even shopping.  But it should never be at someone else’s expense.

An addiction to anything is never healthy and shouldn’t be used an excuse for destructive behaviour.  Especially when that behaviour ultimately leads to heartache.  More often than not, it’s not the act of sex that hurts your significant other, rather the betrayal behind the cheating that hurts the most.  Regardless of the addiction, it’s important to take responsibility and seek the help that is needed.  It’s too easy to place the blame of your indiscretions on an addiction, but it’s just not good enough.  Don’t make something that’s meant to be pleasurable, the cause for your loved one’s misery.

summer fling or the real thing?

Popularised by ‘Grease’, ‘summer lovin’ has definitely been a favourite for years.  So was yours just a ‘summer fling’ or could it be the real thing?  Here are 7 signs that show you two may be in it for the long haul.

 

 

1.     You both make an effort to spend time with each other

The fact that you’re spending time together proves that there’s more to your relationship than just a fling.  Aren’t flings meant to only last that one time…hence the term?  If you’re both making the effort to spend time together and getting to know each other more, there’s definitely something more there than just a “once off thing”.

 

2.     You can’t stop talking to your friends about them

If you’re telling your friends about them and can’t stop talking about them, you’re completely smitten.  Providing that they’re doing the same then you’re both onto something real.  Most people only tell their friends about their flings to brag about what they did over summer.  But when you find that almost everything you talk about is about them…once again, you’re completely smitten.

 

3.     You constantly check their Facebook profile

If you’re (secretly) checking their Facebook profile every hour on the hour, it proves that they mean that little bit more to you than just a casual hook up.  It’s a little stalker like…but cute to an extent.  It shows that their every status update and wall post mean so much to you.

 

4.     You can’t stop thinking about each other  

When you’re thoughts are filled with them 24/7, and just the mere thought of them whilst you read this is giving you butterflies…you can be pretty sure that you’ve been bit by the love bug. Hard.  People you have flings with aren’t meant to give you butterflies.  They definitely make you feel a type of sensation below, but not in a mushy lovey sorta way.  

 

5.     Sharing is Caring

If it were just a fling, both of you would be keeping things fairly light and excessively flirty.  But when you both slowly start to open up and share things with each other that you normally wouldn’t, it’s a sign that your connection isn’t just skin deep. Sharing goals, interests and embarrassing moments are signs that you both want to know each other on another level and have a deeper connection.  Honestly, there’s really no need for that if you’re relationship mainly involves breaking beds.

 

6.     You genuinely enjoy each other’s company

He makes you laugh, while she makes you smile.  The more time you spend with each other you discover that you genuinely enjoy their company.  Spending time together shows that your relationship has progressed from a mere ‘fling’ to an actual ‘thing’.  It also means that you want to be more involved in each other’s lives. 

 

7.     The “DTR” Talk

When the “DTR” or other wise known as, the ‘define the relationship’ talk comes up, you can be pretty certain that your fling is on its way to becoming the real thing.  The talk wouldn’t be needed if you both had the understanding that you were in it for just a little ‘fun’.   Defining the relationship implies a new level in the relationship, the possibility of something more.  If all of the above signs are there and you’re ready, why not give it a go?  Love never made anyone a failure.  Just take each day as it comes with no expectations and remain optimistic.  If it all comes to an end, you can deal with it then.  The last thing you want to do is regret what could have been…

i just wanted everyone to know that…

i trust that you all had a wonderful start to the year!  i’m sorry i’ve been away for so long but i promise that this year WILL be a good one filled with more juicy stories, inspiration and eye candy for all of you.  i’ve missed all of you and i wish you all the very best in your endeavors this coming year x

our love’s the perfect crime