The bigger picture

I was speaking to a dear friend the other day as I haven’t caught up with him for ages and I told him about my “love life” situation.  Instantly he recommended that I watch the movie ‘Sidewalks of New York’ as the movie was similiar to what I was going through.  I trusted his opinion and watched it straight away (that and I will jump at any opportunity that have the words ‘New York’ in it ).

 

The movie was about a bunch of different people whom were coupled at one stage and it showed the status of their relationships and how they all somehow intertwined.  It was meant to be a romantic comedy but I couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about some of the situations they were going through.  In every movie or tv show out there there seems to be a high occurance of cheating…not just that but glamourised cheating.  I’m not going to deny that I never cheated but I think to glamourise it and make it look better than it is, it’s just plain wrong.  Cheating brings more pain than pleasure and I can definitely vouch for that. 

 

One of the quotes that really stood out was when one of the characters says, “I’m really annoyed with all my friends at the moment.  I feel that we live in such a comfortable society that we over dramatize things to give us something to bitch and moan about.”  It really had an effect on me because that’s EXACTLY the way that I was feeling! Not towards all my friends of course, but there are a few of them out there and I guess I’m guilty myself of over analyzing my life situation and over dramatizing when there are worse things in the world that are happening at this very moment. 

 

For example, human trafficking in different parts of the world is horrendous.  Some girls are being kidnapped from their very own villages before they even reach their teenage years only to become forced prostitutes.  These brothels don’t require clients to wear protection so their prone to pregnancies (in which they are aborted eventually), sexual diseases and even aids.  When I think that I could’ve easily been born in that situation and that you too could have been born into that situation, it makes everything I’m going through in my life pale in comparison.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that fuck, not everything in our lives is going to be rainbows and butterflies.  There are going to be times when we want to bitch and moan and that’s OK!  But we can’t forget the fact that there are more serious problems in the world and that no one is out there to help rescue them all.  It breaks my heart because eventually these girls will be addicted to drugs and are trapped within that life forever.  

 

In this society that we live in, most likely if you’re reading this article that I’ve written you’re well off – because you have been able to get access to some sort of technology whether it be your phone or laptop to read this with.  

 

What I want is for our society to learn how to love again, to have compassion again….I know this is a far cry from all the smutty things I used to write about (and it’s ok I’m still going to write about all of that) because there’s a distinct difference to a woman or man who wants to be in the sex industry as opposed to a one who is forced into it. 

 

In a nutshell, whatever it is you’re going through today that’s getting you down you’ll get through it.  You’ll have your down days and you’ll have your fucking awesome days…it’s just how it is.  But don’t forget to be grateful for what you have and who you have in your life.  Don’t take the love that you have surrounding you for-granted and that you don’t have to fend for your lives like others in different parts of the world do each and everyday.  If you’re not in a position to help out right now it’s ok, just be aware of the atrocities that are going on and I can assure you eventually enough of us will make a difference x 

headfucked

 

If I could sum my life up into one song it would be this. 

The lyrics definitely apply to me and how I feel at this very moment…

 

“I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear…“

 

I’m completely headfucked and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

I don’t want to see my friends. 

Nor do I want to talk to anyone about it.  I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems and appear to be a sook about it. 

Thank God I have my blog – writing is where I find my solace.  Oh and ‘words with friends’ on my iPhone has helped me keep my mind of things too.  Whenever I detach myself from everyone and go on this cleaning rampage that I know that I’m really sad.

This song has such a playful beat but the underlying message for anyone who can relate to it is so terribly heartbreaking….

moving on…

i’ve decided to make another blog in my attempt to get over my ex.  i’ve decided that it was time to move on because if i stayed in that train wreck, i’d eventually get hurt in the end coz inevitably one day, he’ll come to me and tell me he’s moved on or worse, has fucked someone else or more likely, other people.  i can’t afford to sit around and wait for that day to happen, nor do i deserve it.  a few nights ago i realized that it was hurting me and making me para ‘staying’ with him, but it hurt not being with him too.  i had to accept that it is what it is.  it’s shyt, we want different things, we’re not understanding each other anymore and it’s best if we just part ways and live our lives separately.  i don’t know what the future holds for us, but i do know for certain that i own the now, and i intend to live it in the best way possible.  i don’t want to be emo anymore nor do i want to be angry or have a low self-esteem from fucking unfair expectation’s put on by someone who i thought loved me. 

 

god bless this blog for here i can openly say what i want *ahhh* 

 

 

on another note, slowly creeping back are the fucking idiots who i used to be with *urgh* i think they think that cause i’m single, it means i’m going to give them a free fuck.  they couldn’t be further from the truth.  so i wrote this little blog post on my other blog to let them know how i felt:

 

I think there may be a slight misunderstanding here boys…. I’m single, NOT a free fuck. Although, there are brothel’s and escort’s you can go to & they will be more than happy to cater to your needs. So please stop contacting me if it’s ASS that you’re after.

note: this is in no way, shape or form directed at my ex/bf.

 

in the brilliant words of einstein, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results is insanity.”  i’ve been doing the same fucking thing over and over again for years and i’m thru with it.  i’m thru with fuckheads so from this moment on i’m starting from a clean slate; no more ex’s, no more fuck buddies, nothing. 

 

it’s a new beginning for me and i love the person that i’m becoming x 

god bless the pussy wagon

i love this video! lady gaga has an amazingly creative mind throughout all her video’s; i love the hidden messages in all of them.  

but most importantly, god bless quentin tarantino; my fav director of all time who knows what the pussy power is all about x

 

“Trust is like a mirror.  You can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection!”

epic breakup’s can be refreshing

I had class today and we had to form into groups for the semester to work on a blog we would create as a team.  I got into a group with two other girls and we all just hit it off!  Being that I was one of the few that had a blog, I decided to show them mine and explained what my blog was all about.  I was scrolling down and tried to quicken the pace as I scrolled past my excruciating break up post.  I knew they would’ve seen it so I decided to explain that it was my ‘soppy little break up story‘ but surprisingly enough they too had epic break up stories to tell!

 

Sometimes during break ups we tend to feel that we’re the only ones going through the sheer heartache of it all and that no one else out there could have it any worse.  But when you realize that other’s have gone through it too, it does make and help you feel a whole lot better.  I have to admit that knowing that other girls have gone through it, it gave me a refreshing feeling that I wasn’t different or maybe too hard to love because other girls were going through the same ordeal. 

 

There’s really nothing better than knowing that you’re not the only one going through it all.  Telling the other’s my experiences really broke the ice for all of us and also brought about other similarities that we had with each other; such as all of us being inked. 

 

We’re planning to share a bottle of wine and go through our epic break up stories together.  It’s so refreshing to know that I can now look back and laugh at it all and be able to tell others and show others that I’ve been able to go through it.  I’m also excited at who out of the three of us will have the most epic, heart break story of them all!  I will keep you all posted x