an insight into the world of Erotica

My proudest accomplishment YET as a writer and journalist ~ my interview with erotic author Krissy Kneen. I was SO flattered…beyond anything you could ever imagine! Out of the three panelists during the erotic discussion at the Melbourne Writer’s Festival last week, she struck me as the bravest and most fascinating.

The very next day I bought her book ‘Affection’ and finished it within two days! I was able to relate to so many of her experiences and I loved how she was unapologetically raw within her book, giving an insight into another different world of sexuality; opening our eyes to the possibilities. Her book was so touching and I believe that it is imperative that we are all in touch with our own sexuality in order to grow and become better people.

Since I was given the permission to use her interview wherever possible, I wanted to share it all here with you, with the hope of opening your horizons to a greater more sexual world that awaits you!

You begin your story by being ‘tied up’ to one of your particular partner’s, is there a hidden meaning into this?  In regards to the your book or maybe about sexuality?

The choice of this scene as the first scene was made my editor, Mandy Brett. An inspired choice. The scene was later in the book and she moved it up front because, rightly, she thought that I needed to start right with the sex. Let the audience know what they were up for right up front. The scene was not written with any hidden meaning but I suppose what I like about it is how domestic it is. I like the fact that even when we played with some light S and M it was always so normalised. It was just play. It also shows that sex that is considered perhaps a bit unusual is quite ordinary at times. This is part of the heart of the book, the ordinary joy of sexuality.

What is your opinion on monogamy? During the erotica discussion at the Melbourne Writer’s Festival you mentioned that you didn’t believe that human beings were meant to be monogamous, could you please elaborate more on that?

I think it is always a struggle to be monogamous. Maybe it is just me but I find myself falling into patterns quite quickly. After an initial flush of excitement it seems we fall into the monotony of a relationship and start looking around for new things. The new shiny toy. I suppose there is a biological imperative behind this, something about spreading our genetic thumb print more widely. I think monogamy is a choice and a very difficult one to execute. But it has its plusses. Sometimes it is worth the work.

You admit that you have a fondness for pornography. Do you think that pornography is a better way of understanding our own individual sexuality regardless of whether we’re a man or woman?

I think pornography is one of the many and varied useful sexual tools to be used in life. I don’t think we should shy away from anything that excites us or spices up our sex life that doesn’t hurt anyone. It does give us an insight into ourselves in terms of what pornography we respond to. I do have problems with the violence and humiliation of women depicted in much of the available pornography but it is hard to find porn that is free of this.

On page 46 of your book you mention, “sex isn’t intimacy”. What do you think are the risks and/or dangers in thinking that they are one in the same?

It is very easy for us to think we are being intimate with someone if we are having sex with them. Sometimes people force themselves to feel they are ‘in love’ with someone just because they lust after them. I confuse these things often. It is a shame. It makes relationships more complicated than they need to be.

One of your favourite quotes in the book was “every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter – Oscar Wilde” could you elaborate more on why this quote was your favourite? Did it also influence your writing to some extent being that you were ‘painting’ yourself through words?

I do see parallels between this quote and my work. I often read a book and feel like I am knowing something of the writer. I love novels that have a narrator who is not the central character and you get to know about the narrator because of their view of the character eg: The Great Gatsby and Middlesex.

Who are you inspirations?

For sex writing I always go back to Anais Nin and Georges Batailles, but I love Eugenides, Carver, Delillo and Nabakov I just read M J Hylands new novel and was inspired again by that. I also love looking at paintings and often find my best inspiration in galleries.

How does your normal day start and what does it consist of?

On a good day, a writing day, I get up at 5 and write before anything else. I love the calm peace of pre-dawn. That sleepy pace where Ideas live. This is when my best and most inspired work happens. I often dip into my favourite writers as I do it.

Apart from Furious Horses, what compelled you to want to complete a novel and how did you reach your goal of publishing it?

I have written several unpublished novels. I always start with a burning need to get to the heart of something. Then I am dogged. I give myself a hard time. I refuse to let myself slack off. I am terribly hard on myself because it is so easy just to drop a book before it is done. The other books were not published. This one was. Publication is a whole different thing. It is about the market, and it is about being validated by someone choosing you. It is about others, an audience. It is a very important part of the process, but it is not about the writing, it is about marketing. I pitched this book to Text because they are my favourite publisher and I knew this book had a market. My next step is to get a novel published. This is my next and most important goal. Novels are very hard. Not only do you have to shape a good book, but you have to invent the content too.

In living with your gay housemate and sharing partners, and also being involved with your female housemates, did you believe that within those experiences was where you learned that “we are just sexual, not one thing or another, just a preference, not a definite line”?

I have never seen myself as gay or straight. I am just sexual. I secretly believe I am not unique in this, but my gay and sometimes my straight friends often disagree, so maybe this is just me. I suppose it is an individual thing, but I am sure given the right circumstance we will be able to be sexual with almost anyone.

Why did you choose to title your book ‘Affection’ and was the illustration on the front symbolise anything towards this?

The jacket design was a completely my publisher’s choice and I love it. They got it right. We discussed this and agreed it should be something reminiscent of Anais Nin jackets with a hint of my short story collection ‘Swallow the Sound’. The title was the choice of Christopher Currie (aka furious horses). I am terrible at titles. I asked him to come up with something and as usual he cam through with the goods. I love Chris. He compliments me so well.

How and why did you choose to detach yourself from intimacy?

Intimacy is just so difficult. Relationships are not easy. There have been times when I have felt no intimate connection to anyone. Also I have made some awful choices in my love life. Intimacy is that constant struggle.

On page 242 of your book you say, “I wondered what had once held me together, because now I was dispersing, falling into pieces on the bed”, what do you think held you together all those years up to that point?

My grandmother is a strong determined, stubborn woman and I am a bit like her in some ways. It is like how I continue to write till a book is completed. I refuse to let life defeat me. This has held me together through some awful times. I am also someone who quite likes life and finds joy in small things. Remembering to look for beauty everywhere is an important thing.

On page 255 of your book you mention “wanting to be held”, was this your first experience in wanting to be intimate?

When I was very young I would curl up next to my dog and feel incredibly loved just because that unconditional trust is amazing. I have often wanted to be intimate.

Do you think that everyone has that ‘special someone’ for them like you do?

I think we all have several potential ‘someone’s’. Many. I don’t think there is one person for everyone I think there are many choices that would be equally good but each with their own pleasures. It is up to us to pick one of these.

As an erotic writer, what is one piece of advice you would like to give in regards to sexuality?

Write what you feel. Write the truth. Include the awkward or embarrassing bits. This is how we recognize humanity.