The bigger picture

I was speaking to a dear friend the other day as I haven’t caught up with him for ages and I told him about my “love life” situation.  Instantly he recommended that I watch the movie ‘Sidewalks of New York’ as the movie was similiar to what I was going through.  I trusted his opinion and watched it straight away (that and I will jump at any opportunity that have the words ‘New York’ in it ).

 

The movie was about a bunch of different people whom were coupled at one stage and it showed the status of their relationships and how they all somehow intertwined.  It was meant to be a romantic comedy but I couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about some of the situations they were going through.  In every movie or tv show out there there seems to be a high occurance of cheating…not just that but glamourised cheating.  I’m not going to deny that I never cheated but I think to glamourise it and make it look better than it is, it’s just plain wrong.  Cheating brings more pain than pleasure and I can definitely vouch for that. 

 

One of the quotes that really stood out was when one of the characters says, “I’m really annoyed with all my friends at the moment.  I feel that we live in such a comfortable society that we over dramatize things to give us something to bitch and moan about.”  It really had an effect on me because that’s EXACTLY the way that I was feeling! Not towards all my friends of course, but there are a few of them out there and I guess I’m guilty myself of over analyzing my life situation and over dramatizing when there are worse things in the world that are happening at this very moment. 

 

For example, human trafficking in different parts of the world is horrendous.  Some girls are being kidnapped from their very own villages before they even reach their teenage years only to become forced prostitutes.  These brothels don’t require clients to wear protection so their prone to pregnancies (in which they are aborted eventually), sexual diseases and even aids.  When I think that I could’ve easily been born in that situation and that you too could have been born into that situation, it makes everything I’m going through in my life pale in comparison.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that fuck, not everything in our lives is going to be rainbows and butterflies.  There are going to be times when we want to bitch and moan and that’s OK!  But we can’t forget the fact that there are more serious problems in the world and that no one is out there to help rescue them all.  It breaks my heart because eventually these girls will be addicted to drugs and are trapped within that life forever.  

 

In this society that we live in, most likely if you’re reading this article that I’ve written you’re well off – because you have been able to get access to some sort of technology whether it be your phone or laptop to read this with.  

 

What I want is for our society to learn how to love again, to have compassion again….I know this is a far cry from all the smutty things I used to write about (and it’s ok I’m still going to write about all of that) because there’s a distinct difference to a woman or man who wants to be in the sex industry as opposed to a one who is forced into it. 

 

In a nutshell, whatever it is you’re going through today that’s getting you down you’ll get through it.  You’ll have your down days and you’ll have your fucking awesome days…it’s just how it is.  But don’t forget to be grateful for what you have and who you have in your life.  Don’t take the love that you have surrounding you for-granted and that you don’t have to fend for your lives like others in different parts of the world do each and everyday.  If you’re not in a position to help out right now it’s ok, just be aware of the atrocities that are going on and I can assure you eventually enough of us will make a difference x 

sex addiction does not = infidelity

It’s such a shame that as of late, a number of celebrities have come out and admitted that they have cheated due to being a sex addict.  They are (as we are all aware) Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, Eric Benet (checked himself into rehab to try and save his marriage with Halle Berry but ended up getting divorced in 2003), Russell Brand and Usher just to name a few.  But does being a sex addict really make it ok to cheat or is it just an easy cop out?

According to medical experts, sex addiction has to do with the relationship one has with sex.  Therefore sex addiction isn’t about the activity itself or even about having a high sex drive.  It’s about being able to find some kind of ‘escape’ when doing it, whether it’s finding instant happiness or a way of coping with stress.  It’s the use of sex to gain instant gratification or an instant ‘high’ on life.

Sex addiction isn’t just multiple affairs or paid sex, it also ranges from compulsive masturbation to the excessive use of porn (often referred to as the ‘crack cocaine’ of sex addiction, being that it’s so easily and widely accessible, people are instantly hooked).  Most sex addictions start from there and only progress to increasingly dangerous behaviours from there.  Severe cases have been found where people lose their jobs and partners because of it, and 17% even lose the will to live.

But not all medical experts are convinced by their patients’ pleas of being a sex addict.  Some believe that the use of the term makes people shun the responsibility of their actions by having a somewhat legitimate excuse.  Psychologists refer to this as ‘functional attribution’ – sex addicts being able to justify their actions by thinking they can’t really help themselves.  Although, an anti-testosterone drug has now been made available as a cure, but apparently they’re not the most desirable pill to swallow.

Now I’m no medical expert but I am aware of the many delectable things people can be easily addicted to.  It’s only human nature to want to indulge once in a while in order to reward yourself or to just gain instant gratification.  Whether it be through food, alcohol or even shopping.  But it should never be at someone else’s expense.

An addiction to anything is never healthy and shouldn’t be used an excuse for destructive behaviour.  Especially when that behaviour ultimately leads to heartache.  More often than not, it’s not the act of sex that hurts your significant other, rather the betrayal behind the cheating that hurts the most.  Regardless of the addiction, it’s important to take responsibility and seek the help that is needed.  It’s too easy to place the blame of your indiscretions on an addiction, but it’s just not good enough.  Don’t make something that’s meant to be pleasurable, the cause for your loved one’s misery.