Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to all my devoted readers!  I hope you welcomed the new year with a bang and that it’s been a great start so far.

Yes I admit I’ve been a bit slack but as the last few posts would’ve shown you, I was in a little bit of a dark place for the last few months of 2010.  But I’ve made it a point that this year will be different and so far it has been great and I’ve let go of the hurt that 2010 has caused and I moving on because a life of happiness is what I deserve.

I have a lot of stories for you all so make sure to keep an eye out 😉 a sexy new year to us all xoxo

The bigger picture

I was speaking to a dear friend the other day as I haven’t caught up with him for ages and I told him about my “love life” situation.  Instantly he recommended that I watch the movie ‘Sidewalks of New York’ as the movie was similiar to what I was going through.  I trusted his opinion and watched it straight away (that and I will jump at any opportunity that have the words ‘New York’ in it ).

 

The movie was about a bunch of different people whom were coupled at one stage and it showed the status of their relationships and how they all somehow intertwined.  It was meant to be a romantic comedy but I couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about some of the situations they were going through.  In every movie or tv show out there there seems to be a high occurance of cheating…not just that but glamourised cheating.  I’m not going to deny that I never cheated but I think to glamourise it and make it look better than it is, it’s just plain wrong.  Cheating brings more pain than pleasure and I can definitely vouch for that. 

 

One of the quotes that really stood out was when one of the characters says, “I’m really annoyed with all my friends at the moment.  I feel that we live in such a comfortable society that we over dramatize things to give us something to bitch and moan about.”  It really had an effect on me because that’s EXACTLY the way that I was feeling! Not towards all my friends of course, but there are a few of them out there and I guess I’m guilty myself of over analyzing my life situation and over dramatizing when there are worse things in the world that are happening at this very moment. 

 

For example, human trafficking in different parts of the world is horrendous.  Some girls are being kidnapped from their very own villages before they even reach their teenage years only to become forced prostitutes.  These brothels don’t require clients to wear protection so their prone to pregnancies (in which they are aborted eventually), sexual diseases and even aids.  When I think that I could’ve easily been born in that situation and that you too could have been born into that situation, it makes everything I’m going through in my life pale in comparison.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that fuck, not everything in our lives is going to be rainbows and butterflies.  There are going to be times when we want to bitch and moan and that’s OK!  But we can’t forget the fact that there are more serious problems in the world and that no one is out there to help rescue them all.  It breaks my heart because eventually these girls will be addicted to drugs and are trapped within that life forever.  

 

In this society that we live in, most likely if you’re reading this article that I’ve written you’re well off – because you have been able to get access to some sort of technology whether it be your phone or laptop to read this with.  

 

What I want is for our society to learn how to love again, to have compassion again….I know this is a far cry from all the smutty things I used to write about (and it’s ok I’m still going to write about all of that) because there’s a distinct difference to a woman or man who wants to be in the sex industry as opposed to a one who is forced into it. 

 

In a nutshell, whatever it is you’re going through today that’s getting you down you’ll get through it.  You’ll have your down days and you’ll have your fucking awesome days…it’s just how it is.  But don’t forget to be grateful for what you have and who you have in your life.  Don’t take the love that you have surrounding you for-granted and that you don’t have to fend for your lives like others in different parts of the world do each and everyday.  If you’re not in a position to help out right now it’s ok, just be aware of the atrocities that are going on and I can assure you eventually enough of us will make a difference x 

headfucked

 

If I could sum my life up into one song it would be this. 

The lyrics definitely apply to me and how I feel at this very moment…

 

“I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear…“

 

I’m completely headfucked and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

I don’t want to see my friends. 

Nor do I want to talk to anyone about it.  I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems and appear to be a sook about it. 

Thank God I have my blog – writing is where I find my solace.  Oh and ‘words with friends’ on my iPhone has helped me keep my mind of things too.  Whenever I detach myself from everyone and go on this cleaning rampage that I know that I’m really sad.

This song has such a playful beat but the underlying message for anyone who can relate to it is so terribly heartbreaking….

A Highly Addictive Cautionary Tale

I can’t get enough of Jenna Jameson’s autobiography How To Make Love Like A Porn Star.

It’s such a good read and I’ve always wondered how girls have gotten into the industry.  But you have to admit that Jenna is a cut above the rest known for being the top in the industry.  The book is filled with a collection of personal photographs and letters that makes it much more personal than just a written account of her life.

It’s important to note that porn stars or anyone for that matter weren’t born and decided from that moment on that being in the sex industry was their calling.  Sometimes it’s a host of experiences and heartbreaks in life that steer you down the path of no return.  I don’t want to spoil how she got into the industry because some of you might want to read it, but I have to say that even though I haven’t gone through half the things she’s gone through, there’s still a part of me that can truly relate to the experiences we share in common and I’m sure a lot of you out there will too.  We can’t forget that at the end of the day we’re all human.

I highly recommend the book as it’s such an inspiration to read and a definite page turner.  Funnily enough I found out about the book during my feminist class as one of them was horrified at the fact that a porn star had written an autobiography.  So I made a mental note to look for it but later on came across it at a bookstore, flipped through it and knew I had to have it.

To avoid being as narrow minded as my fellow feminist classmate, I want to make it a point from now on to truly respect and not fight against certain beliefs that other people may have.  There’s a part of me that’s just heartbroken from certain beliefs I felt were forced upon me and I think I need to let them go in order to move on.  I know that I have certain beliefs that other people may find disturbing or just plain wrong, but once again I’m not here to offend, I’m just here to share my open-mindedness about sex and all it’s beautiful aspects x

i apologize for being mia for a few weeks…i’ve been terribly busy but i’m back now! i’m not going to go back on the promise i made earlier this year in being a consistent blogger for you all!! i hope you’ve all been well and haven’t missed me too much x

moving on…

i’ve decided to make another blog in my attempt to get over my ex.  i’ve decided that it was time to move on because if i stayed in that train wreck, i’d eventually get hurt in the end coz inevitably one day, he’ll come to me and tell me he’s moved on or worse, has fucked someone else or more likely, other people.  i can’t afford to sit around and wait for that day to happen, nor do i deserve it.  a few nights ago i realized that it was hurting me and making me para ‘staying’ with him, but it hurt not being with him too.  i had to accept that it is what it is.  it’s shyt, we want different things, we’re not understanding each other anymore and it’s best if we just part ways and live our lives separately.  i don’t know what the future holds for us, but i do know for certain that i own the now, and i intend to live it in the best way possible.  i don’t want to be emo anymore nor do i want to be angry or have a low self-esteem from fucking unfair expectation’s put on by someone who i thought loved me. 

 

god bless this blog for here i can openly say what i want *ahhh* 

 

 

on another note, slowly creeping back are the fucking idiots who i used to be with *urgh* i think they think that cause i’m single, it means i’m going to give them a free fuck.  they couldn’t be further from the truth.  so i wrote this little blog post on my other blog to let them know how i felt:

 

I think there may be a slight misunderstanding here boys…. I’m single, NOT a free fuck. Although, there are brothel’s and escort’s you can go to & they will be more than happy to cater to your needs. So please stop contacting me if it’s ASS that you’re after.

note: this is in no way, shape or form directed at my ex/bf.

 

in the brilliant words of einstein, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results is insanity.”  i’ve been doing the same fucking thing over and over again for years and i’m thru with it.  i’m thru with fuckheads so from this moment on i’m starting from a clean slate; no more ex’s, no more fuck buddies, nothing. 

 

it’s a new beginning for me and i love the person that i’m becoming x 

god bless the pussy wagon

i love this video! lady gaga has an amazingly creative mind throughout all her video’s; i love the hidden messages in all of them.  

but most importantly, god bless quentin tarantino; my fav director of all time who knows what the pussy power is all about x

 

“Trust is like a mirror.  You can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection!”